Parenting can come with its highs and, at times, its lows - it is something that all parents feel at points through their parenting journey. You will often hear the term ‘parental guilt’ and this is certainly something that you will experience at times but remember that this is completely normal, and you are not alone in feeling this way. The most important thing to remember is that you are doing the best you can, with the best of intentions, and that this is good enough.
Try to avoid comparing yourself to other parents as this is never helpful – all families are unique and different. You might think that the family you are comparing yourself to are doing everything right, but it is also very likely that they are looking at you and thinking the same!
You may feel guilty because you blame your babies for your tiredness or change in lifestyle. It is a big change for you and your family so these feelings are understandable, and it can be a big adjustment for you all, so give it time (especially if you are very tired!).
When you have two or more babies you may feel that you are trying to split yourself across them and feel guilty about perhaps spending more time with one baby than the other(s). This could happen if you have one baby who is not as good at feeding as the other(s) or one who is poorly. During this stage you may need to give more time to this baby but, as time goes on, you will find that the other baby/babies will need you for other reasons and it will change again. One thing that might help is to identify positive things about each baby and to avoid comparing them with each other.
Take time for you. If you can organise a time for someone to sit with the babies so that you are able to go to the shops, take a nap or catch up on your favourite TV programme, this will help with your own wellbeing which will also positively impacts on your ability to care for your babies. Try to get out of the house at least once a day, even if it is just for a quick walk - this will not only help you, but will also help the babies. Fresh air and daylight will help with tiredness and can help to restart the day if you have been finding things difficult up to this point.
You and your partner
Having twins, triplets or more is wonderful for the majority of the time. Recognise the pressures you are both under, make allowances and share the joys and burdens of parenthood. The babies are small for a very short time, so try to enjoy it and make the most of it. Keep talking and, as the babies grow, the pressures on you will lessen, and you can resume your lives as a couple.