Jess Kaliyati

In November 2019 my twin boys were born early - it was my first pregnancy. James died after thirty-six hours and Rudy died aged four and a half months. Spending months in NICU fighting for one baby and grieving for the other was overwhelming. The experience was extremely isolating and at times I felt unable to cope. Not knowing whether my living baby would survive through each night was mentally exhausting. 

During this time, I spoke to Sharon regularly who listened to me, comforted me and made me feel less alone. Sometimes I talked a lot and other times I wanted her to talk to me instead - it was a real lifeline for me. 

When Rudy died, I found it very difficult to accept because he had been doing so well and had even been able to come home for a few days. Sharon was still there for me. I found it helpful that she knew my whole story and I could therefore be real and raw with her. 

The following year we lost a tiny little girl due to chromosome abnormalities - my second pregnancy. It was heart-breaking; the hope had been getting me through each day and I felt I had nothing left to keep me fighting. Again, Twins Trust was there for me and I was able to talk to people who had lost a baby in similar circumstances by using the Facebook group

In April 2022, When Rudy’s second anniversary came around, I was finding things particularly difficult so I made the decision to turn my thoughts around and channel my grief into something positive. That’s when I applied to be a befriender for Twins Trust. It felt like the right time for me to give something back and to honour my babies in doing so. 

Talking really does bring comfort when it’s most needed and can help to bring some light and hope in moving forward with your babies held tightly in your heart.