It is a tricky situation returning to work after a huge loss because at work, life 'goes on'. As your entire world is crumbling and falling apart, everyone else's world is continuing as they always have, regardless of what's happened to you. It's hard to join them in that world when you feel so empty.

Consider these tips to help you take care of yourself at work:

• Create pauses: Grief steals your energy. There are days when you might feel capable of performing any task, but your energy may not last long. If possible, give yourself space between meetings. Use the time to catch up if you're feeling productive or to care for yourself by going for a walk, doing breathing exercises or meditating. These pauses help you pace yourself so you can last the day and even the week.
• Find a sanctuary: There are times when you might want to burst into tears or just escape for a while. Before you return to work, think of a private space where you can recoup. Your car could be your sanctuary for example. Have a pillow in case you need to take a nap and plenty of water.
• Carry tissues: You are likely to tear up when you least expect it, so keep tissues handy. People will understand because they know you're grieving.
• Create a comfort box: Keep tiny items of comfort close by. You could write little notes to yourself or these could be essential oils, chocolate, beautiful pictures, fabrics with different textures, chimes or crystals. When you're feeling particularly sad or before a challenging meeting, open the box and read a note or touch an item for strength.
• Create a checklist and ask for help: A common side effect of grief is memory loss and feeling like you can't gather your thoughts together. You may forget things and make more mistakes than normal. Write down things that you usually don't bother to and create detailed checklists. Ask for help if you need it.
• Going to work while grieving is difficult - on you and on your colleagues: Create a flexible plan before you go back to work so that you'll still have space to grieve. This will help reduce the stress of returning to a professional environment, while still giving yourself the space to grieve.

Previous: Informing your manager

Next: Dealing with insensitive comments

About the author

Harley Cunningham

The information on this page has been authored by Harley Cunningham, who experienced the heartbreaking loss of her two-year-old twin son, James, to bronchopneumonia in 2021.

When Harley returned to work, she realised there was a significant lack of support for bereaved employees.

Determined to make a positive impact, she shared her story and developed a new bereavement support strategy to help others in similar situations to ensure that employee needs are met with compassionate and effective support. She now works with the HR team to bridge the gap between employee needs and company support.

We asked Harley to reflect on her own experience and share her tips and recommendations for returning to work after the loss of a baby or babies. You can reach out to contact her by email.