Many parents like to find ways to remember their baby or babies and this can be an important part of healing and a source of comfort.
Remember
There's no right or wrong way to remember your baby or babies; trust your instincts and choose the ways that have the deepest meaning for you and your family. Give yourself the space and time to honour your baby or babies in a way that feels special to you.
Ways you can remember your baby or babies
There are many ways that parents remember their baby or babies. Here are a few suggestions.
If you have a surviving twin or triplets, you may find it comforting to involve them and cherish their special bond. You may also find that how you choose to remember your baby or babies evolves and develops into new special ways as your surviving twin or triplets grow older and they learn more about their sibling(s).
Plant a memorial garden
Creating a special area in your garden in memory of your baby or babies can help you to reflect and remember. Choose flowers, plants or trees that hold significance to you. Some people find that by spending time tending to their chosen flowers and plants or watching their tree grow, they feel a connection to the baby or babies they have lost. If you do not have a garden, or have limited space, you could buy a small plant pot to have in your house.
Create a memory box or scrapbook
Compiling mementos and photographs in a memory box or scrapbook dedicated to your baby or babies can be a source of comfort in the beginning, or at a time in the future when you are ready. Ideas can include an ultrasound scan, wrist tags, locks of hair, cot cards, birth notes, photos of your baby or babies, photos of yourself pregnant (even if you didn't know you were pregnant, or look pregnant), favourite baby clothes or blanket, birth and death certificates, any cards received, hand and footprints.
Acts of remembrance
These can be big or small and may become traditions for you and your family as time goes on as ways to remember. You may light a candle on special occasions, visit a meaningful place, listen to a certain song, release balloons, visit the grave or read a special poem as meaningful ways that regularly remember your baby or babies. You may wish to leave a message on our remembrance wall.
Write letters or journal entries
Some parents like to write letters or a journal to their baby or babies to express their love. It can be a comforting keepsake and a cathartic and personal way to process thoughts and feelings.
Create artwork or keepsakes
Creating artwork or crafting keepsakes can be a therapeutic way to remember your baby or babies. This could include paintings, drawings and poems. Some parents like to have art or jewellery created for them, for example a bracelet with their baby's name or footprints engraved on it.
Fundraising
Raising money and awareness can help some parents channel their grief into something positive in honour of their baby or babies. There are various ways you can fundraise, for example holding your own event, donating to charity or taking part in an organised event. There are lots of opportunities to fundraise for Twins Trust.
Milk donation
Some mothers find donating their milk after the loss of their baby or babies can be a source of comfort. The ability to do something positive in memory of their baby or babies can become part of their baby or babies' legacy. Donating milk is a very personal choice and this option does not suit everyone. You can find more information about donating milk from The Milk Bank at Chester.
