Welcome to our Autumn 2019 Newsletter

Welcome to our autumn newsletter. It doesn’t seem like long ago that I was writing the summer one.  Sadly, we have had lots of people joining our group since then.

I have just had my twins’ 20^th birthday which even all these years later is such an important date to me and I feel the need to get it exactly right. Thank you for all of your lovely supportive messages in the Facebook group, they mean a lot.

The Twins Trust BSG exists to support all parents and carers who have lost from a multiple birth whether it is during or after pregnancy. We are sorry for your loss and hope that you will find some comfort in the newsletter. If you would like your personal story to be included in a future edition of the newsletter please get in contact: sharondarke@twinstrust.org

Poem

The Holding Room by Ellie Jones

I live hour by hour waiting to feel if you're there.
Your sister is gone but my womb you still share,
This holding room between death and new life,
Sitting and waiting the pain cuts like a knife.
Your life still hangs in the balance I will you to make it through,
to meet you I will know what your sister would look like just by glancing at you,
I’m willing you to be a fighter but anxious of the loss you might feel,
To grow up feeling part of you is missing a void I might not fill.
Be strong my surviving baby you already have an angel watching over you,
My beautiful girl who has gone we never met but darling I love you too,
As I carry you with me your life and loss I feel,
I can’t truly mourn you yet and that makes all this so surreal,
I don’t know why you left why we had this journey at all,
We were just getting used to twin life and now so far we fall,
Was I ever a twin mum? That special group do I count?
I’m standing at the door to the party but I can't get in or out.
This grief is unexplainable the separation between pain and hope
The only thing I can do is live each hour at a time to cope,
I love you my babies that will never end, to see one of you grow up is the prayers that I send.

Baby Loss Awareness Week

Baby Loss Awareness Week takes place from 9th-15th October.

Baby Loss Awareness Week is an opportunity:

• For bereaved parents, and their families and friends, to unite with others across the world to commemorate their babies’ lives.
• To raise awareness about pregnancy and baby loss in the UK.
• To drive improvements in the bereavement care and support available for those affected.

We will be encouraging members from our Facebook group to change their profile pictures again or to add the Twins Trust Facebook frame, to raise awareness. We will also be sharing our candle photos from the Wave of Light, which takes place at 7pm on Tuesday, 15^th October.

We all light a candle or candles for our babies, creating a Wave of Light around the world. Please follow the link to read more: babyloss-awareness.org/about.

Personal Experience

Sharon Darke – letter to my twins

Dear Charlie and Joshua,

It is a few years since I have written you a letter so it must be time for another.

13.09.99 – 20 years.

10.31 and 10.44, the time you were born. 1lb 12oz and 1lb 10oz. 7 days and 13 days 

No more teens, where did all of those years go?

20.

20 years of loving and missing you, 20 years of wondering how you would have been, 20 years of wondering what you would have looked like, 20 years of meeting some of the most lovely friends through Twins Trust and Sands.

Yesterday I was planning your birthday: making your birthday cake, decorating the cemetery, deciding what to do today. Not your normal birthday planning, no presents to buy.

I hope that you both know that you are so special and important to all of our family. I think you do! I talk about you often and so many people know about you both!

I wish it wasn’t the same photo every year, I wish that I was visiting you both at different (or maybe the same) universities, I wish that we were all off out for a birthday meal. But I am so very grateful that you are mine, that I had twins, that I have some beautiful memories from the time that you were both alive and that I have a very full treasure chest of memories. I am also very grateful for my very kind and caring family and friends who make it just a little bit easier with their kind thoughts and words.

I am running for you both on Sunday, along with some friends. I hope 20 miles will feel a little easier running for you. I am not sure how long I can keep running a mile for each year but will wait and see!

Happy birthday to you both – always loved and never forgotten.

‘A short time full of life and a lifetime full of memories.’

Look after each other 

Love you so much,

Mummy xxx

(Although pretty sure it would be Mum now!)

I have written a number of letters to my twins over the years. They are included in our bereavement booklet if you would like to see them.  It has definitely been helpful to me.

I also have a blog that I enjoy writing as I love talking about them both. sharondarke.wordpress.com

Fundraising

Jessica Hannans (Ellie Jones’ sister)

When my sister told me she was pregnant with twins I was shocked and then super happy. I knew it would be tough for them with 2 babies and a strong willed, determined 3-year-old! I didn’t know how much tougher the pregnancy was going to be.

A rare twin pregnancy led to many complications and potential complications to come. Unfortunately, my courageous sister and her supportive husband lost Amelie and 3 weeks later, Willow. Words could not describe the pain they felt and the ripples of pain that went through our family in response to their loss.

Feeling clumsy in my words and totally helpless I wanted to do something practical and my amazing friend Ruth gave me the opportunity to combine my first 10k with raising money for research into the type of twin set up my sister and Matt had.

Nothing I can do can take their pain away but raising a bit of money may help others.

Here is the link to donate to Jessica’s fundraising: justgiving.com/fundraising/jess-hannan1