10 June 2022

I am a twin, yet an only child.  When meeting new people, I usually say “I am an only child.”  I never feel quite right about saying this.  However, when I start to build a bond with people and they become friends, I open up about being a twin. I’m proud of the fact.

When Sam died, I was only one. 21 years on there are still days I think and talk about him. I always will do. There are days I will cry; some I will remain silent, but I’m always happy that I am a twin.

When I talk about Sam to my family, I enjoy it. Yes, it can be hard and upsetting for all of us and hearing what my Mum and Dad say about Sam and how it felt when he passed away. It really shows me the struggles my parents went though and what a dark place it must have been. However, when we talk about Sam it is in celebration of him and re-living the love my parents had for him through his short life. I get a warm feeling inside of love and compassion towards him and that he will never be forgotten.

On the anniversary of Sam’s death, 24th June, it can be hard to come to terms with him not being here. I don’t go to his grave every year. I went this year though. I didn’t cry this time. I sat on a bench under a pergola of roses, near Sam’s grave and enjoyed the quiet and calmness of the crematorium.  It was a lovely sunny day. There is an inscription in the Book of Remembrance in the flower Chapel commemorating Sam’s short life. It has a little robin painted next to the words.  Whenever I see a robin now it reminds me of Sam.

There are still times I am sad that my twin brother is not here with me in person. But Sam is part of my life and my family and that makes me happy and proud to be his twin.