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Anyone else find parenting multiples lonely? My little girl has just turned 3,i got a few good friends from baby groups when I was on maternity leave with her and met up regularly over the years,but I was the first out of my friends to have a baby so grew apart from alot of my older friends. Since I've had the twin boys who are 1 in a few weeks I've never felt so isolated and lonely. I seem to even be growing apart from friends I met with my little girl who've had 2nd babies. Suppose lockdown hasn't helped, I've tried to get out since it's lifted but just feel like I've missed the boat on the social side 😪. I'm going back to work soon only doing 2 days as childcares unaffordable and parents would struggle covering childcare for more than a day each. It's going to be chaotic to say the least, my little girl starts preschool September atleast Monday to Friday, but I've no idea how I'll spend my days with the twins since I've not managed to make friends. I've not got alot of family either so lately I've found any nice milestone picture I take come with abit of sadness as other than my husband who's very supportive and grandparents there's no one else who's really interested I could share these things with like I could with my little girl 1st time round. I tried a baby class had to pay for 5 sessions upfront like most places these days, they did bogoff for twins so thought it must be twin friendly naively 🤣. Had to hold back tears by the end of the session everyone had come with friends everyone seems to have kids the same time as their best friend, so no one was really interested in talking anyway. Then the logistics of getting around sensory stations with 2 none walkers who are teething and unsettled was a nightmare had to take one leave them to get the other. Then when one cried I'd pick them up and felt stumped when the other started crying and I wasn't at home to use bouncers etc to juggle two unsettled babies 🙈. So I've decided I'm not going back to that class so lost my money there annoying but can't put myself through that mental torture again. At the end when they were both unsettled again just got comments from people saying I struggle with 1 no idea how you do it with 2. Suppose people don't know what to say but I just felt like crying as I've no Idea most of the time how I do it it's only because I have no choice 🤣. Sorry for the massive essay and thanks if you've read this far 🤣. It's so hard to find people you can relate to with multiples I've found especially people you can meet up with and share the chaos of multiple life with. Just wondered if anyone else feels this way and how they cope with it?
Hi, I just wanted to say that you certainly aren’t alone in feeling this way! We had our twins in January and while it’s been the most incredible experience I’ve also found it very isolating. I don’t have any local Mum friends, and I find it difficult to relate to those friends of mine that do have babies as the experience is just so different. It sometimes makes me a bit sad as I feel like both I and the girls are missing out on so much! All the classes round me are booked up so far in advance but I don’t think I’d be brave enough to tackle a one on my own anyway - I think having two adults is pretty essential to ensure the sessions go well. You did so well going to one on your own! It’s a pain that most classes are mid-week but my Mum is going to do swimming with me starting next week, so that’s something - I am so excited to get out and meet people! Do you have anyone that could help you in going to a class? I’ve contacted my local children’s centre to see if there is any intention to put on a twin group as it would be so lovely to speak to people in the same situation as us! I’m also lucky as I’m in a WhatsApp group with the couples that did the same Twins Trust antenatal course as us, so that’s been a good source of support. Not sure if there are other courses for older twins where you might make a similar support network? I’ve put out a message on here to try and find local twin mums but unfortunately no joy. I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful but I just wanted to let you know you are by no means alone!
Hello twins+toddler, Thank you so much for joining us and posting this. It seems a lot of what you have mentioned has been echoed by many parents, although perhaps you may feel like the only one. Well done for getting out to a group! That's amazing and you should be really proud. It can feel like everyone is watching you, but they most certainly aren't and are more worried about their own little ones and what they are up to! You may not feel like it, but you are doing an incredible job bringing up a toddler and baby twins! I have been in the same situation and to say it is hard is an understatement. However, as they get a little older, things such as getting out and about will certainly become easier. Have you looked for twins and more groups in your area? You could also (if you haven't already) start a new thread on here and see if there are other twin parents with similar age babies in your area. There are also some great apps which allow you to meet mums in your local area which are free and may be worth downloading. It has been a really challenging time for everyone over the last year. Things are still a little strange with lockdown slowly lifting after we have all been cooped up for so long. Do come on here whenever you like, we are here to support you. If you'd also like to speak to someone over the phone, you can ring Twinline on: 0800 138 0509 which is free. More information can be found here: https://twinstrust.org/let-us-help/support/twinline.html You can also search for some local clubs here: https://twinstrust.org/let-us-help/clubs/find-a-club.html You are amazing! Please don't forget that. What you are feeling is totally normal, you have also been battling with the added stress of having babies during a global pandemic, so please be kind to yourself. I hope some of this information has been useful. I'm sure some of our lovely community forum users will be over to offer you some other advice and some support soon. If there's anything we can help with, do let us know. Wishing you all the very best x