6 September 2022

My identical twin girls were born in August 2021, following a pregnancy filled with concerns about weight gain. They were booked in for an elective c-section at 34 weeks and 4 days after a concerning doppler scan. 

On the day of planned delivery, after waiting 5 hours with no food or water during a hot August day, I was eventually sent home as there was no space for the babies in the neonatal unit, and not enough staff to be present for the surgery to deal with two potentially sick babies. I went home, scoffed takeaway pizza, and did the routine again the next day.

Thankfully, at 1pm, I was told surgery was ready for me and the twins arrived at 34 weeks and 5 days, weighing 3lb 12oz and 3lb 3oz. We had been warned they might not cry due to their prematurity, so hearing their shouts was one of the best feelings I’ve ever experienced. 

We didn’t get to hold them after they arrived. They were whisked quickly off to the NICU for help with their breathing. After my recovery, I was able to visit them in the NICU to meet them properly. They were both in incubators, with oxygen masks and an IV each. It was intimidating, but thankfully we had previously had a tour of the neonatal unit, so we knew what to expect.

I spent 2 days in the hospital on the postnatal ward, getting brilliant help with expressing milk into syringes which were then taken into the NICU. They weren’t stable enough for taking milk yet, but I was building up a decent stash of colostrum.

This second day saw the girls getting UV light treatment for their jaundice, they were fluctuating with their oxygen, so they were coming on and off support. The smallest of the two was surprisingly the strongest, however, she also kept pulling her cannula out – keeping the nurses busy!

We were able to get them out of the incubators for a cuddle and some kangaroo care the second evening. I had spent most of the day sitting between the incubators with the curtain pulled up between them to make a little twin tunnel, expressing every couple of hours to try and get my milk supply up.

On day four, they were stable enough to start taking some food through their NG tubes. They were given a mixture of my colostrum and a special premature formula, as we were concerned about how much milk I was able to get to them. We had a 1 year old at home, who was being looked after by my parents, so we couldn’t be in the hospital as much as we wanted to. We weren’t when we would be able to make it into the hospital each day – so formula meant that the expressed milk was spread out and the pressure was off me a little. Which really helped with my production! Taking the pressure off yourself really helps.

Having my older child at home meant that we were driving into the hospital for around 9am every day and then coming home at 6pm so that we could see her in the mornings and before bedtime. We treated it like going to work so that it didn’t disrupt her too much. The guilt was awful though. We felt guilty leaving our toddler at home every morning and guilty leaving the twins every evening. It was the pandemic, so our toddler couldn’t come to visit her baby sisters, although she was so young, I’m not sure if it would have been helpful to do that anyway.

We were very lucky with my husband’s work. They gave him paid leave whilst the twins were in the hospital, and his paternity leave started the day they both arrived home. It was almost unheard of, and we were the only parents who could spend that much time in the hospital with their babies without financial concerns.

After one week, our girls were moved out of the NICU as they were able to breathe on their own. They were put into the special care unit in one heated cot together.

We were finally able to dress them and get them out for skin-to-skin ourselves.

After 11 days, they were able to start taking the bottle for every other feed. I tried breastfeeding but they tired easily, and I couldn’t stay at the hospital overnight to be able to establish it. We had been able to move to pure expressed milk at this stage, and they were finally at their birth weight again.

My birthday was 2 and a half weeks after the girls were born, and I was treated to a surprise when I came in. They had been moved into a bigger, normal cot as they could now regulate their temperatures.

Three days later, after being in hospital for three weeks, the larger twin – Harriet – finally hit her target weight and was discharged from the hospital. It felt wrong to be leaving with just one twin and leaving Emilia there alone, but the neonatal unit was out of beds, and the twins would have been moved to the children’s unit if Harriet hadn’t come home with us. That would have meant they wouldn’t have had as much dedicated attention, so it was the hard but correct decision for us.

These were the hardest few days. We were now being kept up all night by Harriet at home, we had our toddler waking us up at 6am – about the time Harriet fell asleep; and then we would be getting ready to come into the hospital for 9am every day. We could bring Harriet with us as Emilia was moved to an isolation pod, so she wasn’t around the other babies. I understood why they had to do this, but I felt awful that she was alone so much. I struggled with the guilt, upset and exhaustion of it all and had a number of cries at the nurses in the unit, who were all incredibly supportive.

After another five days, Emilia was finally discharged and we were able to bring them both home with us. Our care was moved to the visiting neonatal team who came and checked in on the girls once a week to measure their weight and see how they were doing. I started having to give Emilia fortifier in her expressed milk to help with her weight gain and ensure she was getting enough calories.

They’ve now just celebrated their first birthday, at healthy 9^th centile weights and meeting their milestones. Once they discovered solid food their weight gain shot up – all babies are different. Our neonatal story was much less stressful than it could have been, thanks to the fantastic care and support of the neonatal staff. They listened to our every concern, talked through all decisions with us in detail and updated us in the middle of the night whenever we wanted to check in with them (which was regularly!).