21 June 2024

When Clare Skelton felt her time was running out to become a mother, she decided to go it alone. A single mother by choice to twins Albert and Astrid, here’s her story...

I was never planning to do this on my own. I expected to meet someone, get married and then have children. I’d always wanted children and knew that it was going to happen late for me, as I was busy enjoying my life in my thirties with travelling, friends and festivals. The guys that I met fell in to two camps – the ones that I really liked that didn’t want kids or the ones that really liked me and wanted to take it further, but I didn’t with them. So, when it looked like it wasn’t going to happen for me, I knew that I had to take matters into my own hands. I was financially stable, had my own place, a good job, so knew that I had the building blocks for life with a baby. I knew that if I never tried to have children I’d regret it and I knew that if I waited for ‘the one’, I could run out of time. So, I decided to go it alone.

I waited until I was 45 before I thought that I need to do something about this, as time was running out. I inherited some money so I used it on IVF in Alicante, Spain. I decided right from the start that I wasn’t going to use my own eggs. I could have tried, but I knew it could be an expensive process that could lead nowhere, with a lot of heartache, so I went for double donation. In late 2019, I started talking to the clinic but then everything had to be put on hold because of Covid. Fortunately I was able to schedule an egg implantation between lockdowns in August 2020. I knew that if I never tried to have children I’d regret it and I knew that if I waited for ‘the one’,I could run out of time.

I started injecting myself about a month before I went to Alicante. I stayed a couple of days before the implantation, but travelling during the pandemic was scary with constant testing, mask wearing and having to isolate on my return (although as a teacher on school holidays, it worked out OK). Two of the fertilised eggs were viable, so I agreed to have them both implanted; I wanted to do everything I could to get pregnant as I only had the money to do this once.

I waited the recommended two weeks before I did a pregnancy test and couldn’t believe it when I saw the blue line. I was pregnant! It was my first time using IVF and I felt so lucky. I had an early scan about seven or eight weeks, which was when I found out it was twins. As we were in the midst of Covid I couldn’t have anyone with me. I can’t remember the ‘moment’ that the sonographer said there were two sacs, two heartbeats, therefore twins. I just remember feeling shocked and slightly sick. I was half crying, half hyperventilating with shock. I drove round to one of my friend’s houses in floods of tears. When I got there, she was so shocked and presumed that there was something wrong with the baby. I couldn’t say anything. I could only hold up two fingers. She threw up her hands and said “what a blessing!”. I didn’t really tell people about the IVF until I was pregnant, so it was a shock to family and friends.

It took a while for me to come to terms with becoming a single mum to twins. It was so unexpected; but gradually I started to feel happy and optimistic about it. My friend was right… it was going to be OK. My twins were Dichorionic Diamniotic (DCDA), so the safest way to carry twins. I wanted to find out the sexes as soon as I could, but at the 12-week scan, the sonographer could only confirm one boy. My sister has two boys, so I was really hoping for a girl and my16-week scan confirmed my wish. One of each – I was over the moon.

Days after that, I received news that my nan had died. She was the matriarch of our family and died aged 95. Attending her funeral was difficult, knowing that the twins would never meet her and of course being so hormonal made it a very emotional day – I cried throughout the service.

Then in December 2020 I caught Covid; I was 20 weeks pregnant and felt awful. I battled it at home for a week, but was then admitted to hospital as my oxygen levels were very low and I was struggling to breathe. I spent three weeks fighting it and had to wear a Continuous Positive Airway Pressure (CPAP) mask for a week. It’s like being in a wind tunnel constantly. I was on the High Dependency Unit for nearly two weeks, before moving to a regular Covid ward.

When I was well enough to be discharged from hospital, I moved in with my aunt and uncle for a month in Berkshire. I recuperated, ate a lot and got heavily pregnant. I still didn’t see my friends and family due to further lockdowns, but my aunt and uncle took great care of me. Luckily, the twins weren’t affected by my Covid. The scans showed them growing well, their heart beats strong and there were no concerns from the Consultant. It felt like a small miracle. Somehow, these twins of mine were meant to be.

I didn’t move back to London as I had the twins in Berkshire and haven’t looked back. I made it to my C-section at 37+3 in April 2021 and Albert was born first, weighing 6lb5. Astrid, who was transverse, was born a minute later weighing 6lb7.Both perfectly healthy with no time in NICU. My aunt and uncle have been amazing in helping out and supporting me with the twins. I couldn’t have done it without them and now the twins are devoted to them. Albert and Astrid are such contented toddlers. They love swimming and trips to London to visit friends.

You’re their number one person all the time 

As a single mum by choice, there are real challenges. The decision-making, small and large, falls exclusively on you. You’re the breadwinner too, so always keeping an eye on finances. You have to be the fun parent and the strict parent and every other type of parent, even if you aren’t feeling like it. You can spend a lot of time overthinking things from finances to nursery fees and the logistics of having a baby. My advice is… don’t. Think about the future, but don’t dwell on it, because life throws you curveballs. It means that carefully laid plans – and all the time and energy you put into them – go down the pan. Live for the moment – and for your children – with no regrets. There are so many advantages. I’m a single mum of twins, which is a special privilege, something that I remind myself when the chips are down. I may ask for advice from people, but I have the last say. You’re there for everything, you’re their number one person all the time and you don’t miss a thing.